mariakoropecky by Maria Koropecky
I’ve been watching “Building the Band” on Netflix – so good! It’s wonderful to see new voices emerging on the music scene, adding their own flair to the mix.
As a writer, artist and music lover, I’m curious about human behaviour and what makes people tick. I’ve noticed that sometimes people go through life happily singing their songs while others have a hard time getting along.
I’ve also noticed that the times in my life where I’ve gone through a rough patch and just not hitting the notes I’ve wanted, I’ve been immersed in some sort of mind game, a push-me-pull-you dynamic where I end up with the short end of the stick (or an upside-down microphone).
Artists have been singing about these mind games for decades:
1. Joe South – Games People Play (1968)
Oh the games people play now
Every night and every day now
Never meaning what they say now
Never saying what they mean
2. The Spinners – Games People Play (1975)
Games people play
night or day they’re just not matchin’
what they should do
keeps me feelin’ blue.
3. Fleetwood Mac – Dreams (1977)
Oh, thunder only happens when it’s rainin’
Players only love you when they’re playin’
Say women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know
You’ll know
4. Alan Parsons Project – Games People Play (1980)
Games people play
You take it or you leave it
Things that they say
Just don’t make it right
If I’m tellin’ you the truth right now
Do you believe it?
Games people play in the middle of the night
5. George Michael – Faith (1987)
Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body
I know not everybody has got a body like you, oh
But I gotta think twice
before I give my heart away
And I know all the games you play
because I play them too
6. Adele – Set Fire to the Rain (2011)
But there’s a side to you
That I never knew, never knew
All the things you’d say
They were never true, never true
And the games you’d play
You would always win, always win
With these songs in mind and my own life experiences, I’ve compiled a list of 188 games people play that I’ll be using in my creative work and personal life to help me understand what’s [really] going on – hey, another song title – and I’ll share them with you as they come up.
And just to be clear, we all play these games from time to time. They come from what we felt we needed to do to survive in our family and then later in the outside world. The problem is, they’re inauthentic. They imply that the game player doesn’t feel safe to ask for what they really need in a healthy way, so they resort to trying to force, control or manipulate to get their needs met or to get ahead.
But once you identify the game, then it loses its grip and power. You can see right through it and you won’t get sucked in by it as you would have before.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been bullied and left crying in a heap of tears because someone was playing me. Some did it unconsciously, some did it on purpose for sport because I was an easy target or they felt threated by something I was doing. Either way, I felt emotionally gutted.
If I had known this “game changing secret” sooner, I would have kept more jobs and had healthier friendships all along. I also would have spared some other people from the cards I dealt as well.
Recognizing and naming the games people play has also helped me increase my own self-awareness and has allowed me to see what my go-to games are and what I’m doing to others and myself. Yes – some games we play on ourselves – Perfectionism is a good example.
And once we see what we don’t like and how we don’t want to be treated, then we can ask ourselves, “What would I like instead?” and then rather than focusing on the pain of the game, we can shift it to something better and in turn, feel better moving forward.
Let me know if you’d be interested in exploring the games people play with me and which ones jump out at you already.
Cheers to healthier self-expression and honest communication! Maria
