mariakoropecky by Maria Koropecky, author of Closer to Indigo
After receiving some positive feedback from a publishing house regarding my book, Closer to Indigo (though not the answer I had hoped for), I realized I’m not the same person I was back in 2019 when I went on my Camino and started writing my memoir-turned-novel. They said:
Your [book] radiates warmth, insight and authenticity. You’ve written a thoughtful, emotionally rich novel that captures the quiet bravery of transformation in midlife. The writing is lyrical and reflective, with a lovely musicality that draws the reader in and a tone that feels both personal and universal. There’s real skill in the way you blend narrative and introspection, weaving together spirituality, travel and emotional healing into a cohesive and hopeful story. The concept of a pre-pilgrimage novel is original and engaging, giving readers a new lens on the familiar Camino theme, and your own lived experience brings genuine credibility.
“Authenticity” is the word that jumped out for me. To me it means there’s an alignment between my thoughts, feelings, words and actions.
“Authentic” was not, however, how people would have described me or my work in the past. In the days before I set off on my Camino, someone said I was “agreeable” – in other words, “vanilla.”
Sure, I wanted to be liked, to get along, to not make waves. I didn’t know that voicing my true thoughts and feelings would have been preferred. I didn’t know I was being inauthentic in the process.
I thought that if I had only tried harder and proved myself to them, then they would like me and accept me as one of them.
Turned out it didn’t matter how many cartwheels, backflips and handstands I performed, they didn’t seem to notice or care.
Fast forward to today – I don’t have the energy to try so hard anymore. I’m done with that game. I’ve come a long way and have weathered too many storms in these last seven years and I can’t go back to my old self even if I wanted to.
I’ve learned that it’s not about trying or chasing or accomplishments, it’s about who I’m being in the quiet moments when I think no one is paying attention. Who am I being in my own company? Who am I being when I’m shopping in a store? Who am I being online where few people know me in person?
Honestly? Pretty consistent and true to myself. I’m also speaking up for myself, asking for what I need, making myself my first priority, sharing what I like and don’t like, and walking away from people who don’t appreciate me or treat me well.
I thought the last seven years were about me becoming a published author and telling my stories, but now I see I was actually on a journey of shedding the chunky parts of myself that weren’t working and becoming a more authentic version of myself.
I’ve found my authentic voice and that’s the real gift of this whole journey. The email from the editor I received on Friday was closure for me – closure on an old story. But now what?
